Part two: Where I am today

"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"-Green Day

So here we are, again.  Yesterday I told you about my first quarter of grad school and how everything seemed to be great, until my friend passed away.  Today I will start off with that and lead into where I am at this current time in my life. (Note: Like yesterday this song will play a role later).

So there I was, a month after losing one of my best friends.  It was a tough time.  Winter always is when you hardly have any sunny days and you are always stuck indoors.  I had pretty much been a zombie since I found out that Chris was gone.  I tried hard to put it behind me, but that never works, not when you are that close to someone.  For those who don't know, Chris was a US Air Force Captain.  When the accident happened he was the pilot of a helicopter on a training mission.  Chris served as a pilot on many flights that went in and rescued other soldiers in enemy territories.  If that doesn't tell you the kind of person Chris was, then you really will never understand.  He was selfless, he cared more about other people and didn't like the limelight.  I am sure there were times he enjoyed it, but for the most part he wanted no part of it.  I was on the train home to Vancouver for his celebration of life in the middle of a brutal storm.  It was the longest trip I had ever been on, but I knew I wouldn't miss it for anything.

The day before the celebration of life we ran a memorial mile in his honor at our high school track.  It was a crummy day outside and the winds were howling and it was still snowing.  When we got there the gates to our stadium were locked.  Neither of our former coaches Schultz or Delaney had keys to get into the stadium.  We were discussing ways to still make it in so we could run, many of which were ways that Chris and the rest of the team used to sneak in to run workouts while we were in high school.  Oddly enough we all looked at the gate at the same time, and when we did a gust pushed open the gates.  We all looked at each other, then looked up at the sky, we knew Chris was telling us we were going to run this mile.  It was one of those crazy, almost in-explainable moments in life, but it was one none of us will forget.  I knew his parents would be there but I still ran down to their house, one that I came to know really well when Chris and I hung out in high school.  There I saw his dad and told him the story, he agreed, this was Chris' work.  Once we were all back at the track we all shared memories of Chris.  It was a tough time, but it was good to see how many people in such bad weather would come out to share this moment together.  

The next day we would attend Chris' celebration of life.  If the day before seemed emotionally hard, this one rocked me.  It was good to hear different stories of Chris and how he had played such a significant role in so many of our lives.  The thing is, that is just who he was, a great person.  I remember talking to his wife after the ceremony and her telling me how excited Chris was that he got a chance to see me the past July.  That was an incredible moment in my life and I am so thankful I got to see him.  It is always tough to reflect on things like this, but his words to me before he left we stick with me forever.  He told me how proud he was that I was still chasing my running dream, and if I made the Olympic Trials and Games he would be there.  I know now that he won't be there in person, but he will be running stride for stride with me in spirit.  The tough part of it now is that I didn't know it would be the last time I would see my friend.  If I had known it would have been, I would have hugged him a little longer and told him how he was a hero.  I would have let him know that I could have gone down a different path in life, but he always encouraged me to be better.  For that I am forever grateful.  Thank you Chris for everything you did in life. May you rest in peace my friend.

I returned to school, I was a little better knowing my friends had my back and supported me, but I still struggled.  School just seemed difficult to grasp and when I needed running the most to let off my stress I pinched a nerve in my left hip.  This kept me from running for nearly a month.  I was trying my best in school and giving everything I had, unfortunately according to my adviser it just wasn't good enough.

When I needed someone in a role like that to help me out, he turned his back on me.  With about two weeks left in the quarter we were discussing the project I was working on for him when he asked if I even wanted to be in school.  This shocked me seeing as how nothing about this was said before.  I told him that now more than ever I wanted to get my degree and push on.  This settled until a week later.  It is always nice when you head into finals stressed, it is even better when people add stress on to you leading up to finals.  That is just what happened.  He called me into his office and told me that I had been screwing up big time in school.  He told me that the English department on campus (who we were working with on a project) thought I was a screw up and had a bad attitude and that I was putting them in a hard position.  He was also nice enough to tell me that he though my performance was shit and that everyone in our department thought the same thing and wouldn't mind if I just dropped out of school.  This was the ultimate slap in the face for two reasons.  Reason one: I looked up to this guy, and I was really excited to be working with him on this project.  Reason two:  If I had been doing so poorly all along, why wait until the end of the quarter.  At this point I was given a choice, I could quit graduate school, I could completely change my behavior and attitude and come back to his project, or I could quit the project and find a new adviser.  After talking to a few people in our department and the English department I was relieved to hear that the picture that had been painted of me by my adviser was untrue.  When I confronted him about this, he told me the other people were lying just to make me feel better, yes, the school wide conspiracy to make me feel good about myself, it was genius.  That being said we had another meeting.  He probably expected me to beg for mercy and come back to his project, or even better yet quit school.  If you haven't figured it out already I choose to stay in school and pick a different adviser.  I think this disappointed him a fair amount.  It was a brilliant way to end a awful quarter.

My general theory on the situation was that I tended to be a little out of it during winter quarter with everything that had gone on.  Even though I was doing everything he asked of me, it wasn't enough.  I also feel that my dedication to coaching was putting a strain on things because he expected 100% of my life to be dedicated to his work.  Oh well, life goes on.  Besides, our women's team had a record breaking indoor season without one of our top girls running.  I think I was doing ok on that front.

I needed spring break and finally it came.  I headed down to see my best friend Bobby and had the best week of my life.  Even after not being able to see each other that much over the past nine years we fell into our same old routines.  We had a lot of fun and I finally got to meet his bride to be and realized he was the luckiest guy on earth.  Katie is wonderful, and where most people would think they might lose touch with their friend when they get married, I know that I am just getting a new best friend in Katie.  The wedding will be a blast and I will update people with all the fun when I return from it.

I went into spring quarter relaxed and with a head full of steam.  It was proving time, time to put together another solid quarter.  It would be busy, but it would be worthwhile.  I was enjoying this quarter sans one class that just seemed to be a review and was 3 hours every time.  That was miserable, but other than that I enjoyed my classes.  I was also enjoying that the women's distance runners at Eastern were tearing apart the school record books.  Each weekend a new top ten time would be added to the list.  It was really fun to see how far we had come in just two years.  We were dominant and building something special. 

 At the conference meet our women scored 43 points.  More than we ever had before, in fact it might have beaten our past 5 years points combined.  We had four girls make the all-conference team and scored in every event that we were entered in at the meet.  After conference came regionals, which is where this story starts building to today.  We had all three of our steeplechase girls make the regional meet which was awesome.  I went down to Arkansas expecting to cheer on our athletes and hopefully have a few make it to the National Championships (which 3 did), which is what happened, but something else happened as well.  On our first full day there Coach Zeller approached me and asked what my interest was in going to Hawaii.  I was confused at first until he explained that they had a job opening for a distance coach, and he had told the coach about me.  I hesitated on the subject at first, but eventually I talked to their coach to see her interest level.  Around that same time my friend Nigel, who is a grad assistant at Southern Utah University, approached me and asked about my interest level in coach at SUU.  After barely being able to make this trip, I now had two opportunities set before me.

I returned to school and thought about both jobs.  At first I was hesitant.  I had a good thing going at Eastern with school, coaching and friends, as well as having a new girlfriend.  I was going to have to leave that behind to go coach.  It took me a while to come to my senses, but after talking to quite a few people I opened up to the idea.  Now I just had to wait and hear back from either coach.

I went to Bobby's bachelor party in Las Vegas.  It was my first time there and for the most part I had a great time (Vegas is too expensive for a graduate student).  I was lucky because my cousin Xavier was participating in a hockey scouting camp down there, so I got to see some family from Ohio that I do not normally see.  This was an added bonus on what turned out to be a solid weekend.  Monday came and it was time to return to Spokane and everyday life.  The famous philosopher Ferris Bueller once said, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."  Sure enough just as I was getting on the plane Nigel sent me a message letting me know that the coach would be calling me that afternoon with the job offer.  I let Nigel know that I would be in the air, but I would talk to Coach Houle as soon as I got off the plane.  Upon landing in Spokane I received a voicemail from coach asking me to call him back.  I called him and he let me know that he wanted me at Southern Utah and was offering me the job.  I accepted.  The decision that was so tough to make, seemed so right and too difficult to pass up.  It is a great opportunity for me to be an assistant coach at the Division 1 level of the NCAA.  A week after talking to coach, I moved down to Cedar City, Utah to begin my new career.

That's where I am today, sitting at the house that I am staying at in Cedar City.  It has been a little over a week since I moved down here, but I am really enjoying this area.  (Note: this is where you cue the Green Day song).  "It's something unpredictable," this situation was not predicted at all, I thought right now I would be working at Runners Soul and training for a fall marathon and preparing for school.  "But in the end it's right,"  after being down here I have realized I made the right decision, I am going to love this opportunity and make everything of it.  "I hope you had the time of your life,"  yes, there have been hiccups over the past nine years, if there wasn't it wouldn't be fun or enjoyable.  I wouldn't have learned anything if things didn't happen or change once in a while, but I can truly say I had the time of my life at Eastern.

  It has been tough to reflect back on nine years of my life.  I enjoyed everything about Eastern and made a lot of incredible friends while I was there.  Sometimes though, you need to move on and see the world.  It was a rough last week in Spokane, saying goodbye never is easy.  I want to thank everyone who was involved in my time at Eastern, from my professors, to my teammates and the athletes I worked with and especially the coaching staff.  Stan, Marcia, Erik, Eric and Chris all gave me an opportunity of a lifetime to compete for them as an undergrad and blessed me even more by allowing me to come back and coach with them.  That opportunity led to this one and that they were so supportive of this move meant everything to me.

Warning: This is part one.

"Wish You Were Here" -Pink Floyd

After a long hiatus, I have decided to write again.  I am not sure how this post will work out.  I have a lot to say, and I might get bored and quit midway, so don't burn yourselves out if this becomes the next Lord of the Rings trilogy.  The song above will have some meaning (besides it being one of the best songs ever), but I will eventually get to that point.

My how time flies.  I have been think about this the past couple of weeks.  It seems like yesterday I was graduating high school, now I am one summer away from my 10 year reunion.  I guess that is where I want to begin with this.  Nine years ago, I sat down at a table and listened while my high school athletic director and coach both spoke to my accomplishments as a high school runner.  A few minutes later I signed a document that would change my life.  That document was my letter of intent to run for the Eastern Washington University.  I remember that day vividly.  Little did I know at the time, what direction Eastern would take me.  It helped mold me into the person I am today.  I have always believed in loyalty.  I think my family taught me that at a young age.  So even through some tough times in my life (schoolwork, girlfriends, teammates, friends contributed to these moments) I stayed loyal to Eastern and always gave it everything I had.  When I left Eastern in the fall of 2011 to move to Minnesota I figured I would be back at some point, but not for the reason that I ended up coming back for.  

Around this time in the summer of 2012, my friend (and former coach) Chris Zeller called me up and asked me if I wanted to come back and help him coach.  It took me a whopping 35 seconds to realize that yes that was what I wanted to do.  By August of that year I was back in Cheney and starting a journey that has put me in the position I am today.  My first year went pretty typical of any person trying to start a career as a coach (even though I was a volunteer).  During the course of that first year I applied for graduate school at Eastern and was accepted into the Master's of Science in Sport and Recreation Administration.  This is where my real story begins here.  Sorry for the slight bit of fluff it took to get to this point.

My first quarter of grad school was a mixed bag of emotions.  Coming off of what is (to this point) the greatest race of my life at the USA Half Marathon Championships, I began to gear up for the Twin Cities Marathon (which happened to be the USA Marathon Championships).  I was in the best shape of my life, ready to crack the Olympic Trials standard and achieve a life goal of mine.  Instead what cracked were a couple of bones in my body.  Specifically bones that are known as my hip.  It all happened so fast, well it seemed like it did.  I was out on a 15 mile run in the middle of what was supposed to be a 135 mile week of running.  Midway through my run (which was out and back) my hip began to lock up on me.  It had happened before so I brushed it off and figured it would loosen up.  Sure enough, it didn't, it got worse.  I was to the point that I was hobbling on my left leg and dragging my right leg behind me.  It wasn't pretty and it hurt, BAD.  For the next week I tried to walk on it, when that became too much I began using crutches and a week later I found out that I had two stress fractures in my right hip.  Just like that my dream marathon was behind me.  My thought at that point was that I would be able to focus on school.  The first quarter went by so fast.  It culminated in my highest GPA ever, a 3.85.  I was extremely excited and ready to tackle the next quarter.  I was in such a good mood at the end of the quarter that I asked Coach Zeller if he would allow me to write and supervise our long distance runners on the track.  Sure enough, he said that it would be good for me and allowed me to do so.  The high of the first quarter of grad school seemed like it would never end.

After a great winter break with my family I returned to school for winter quarter, refreshed and ready to go.  I had been running consistently and feeling like I was back on the upswing.  Everything was going my way.  Unfortunately, reality, or maybe it was life, decided I needed a reminder that some things just happen. (Note: Remember how I said the Pink Floyd song would come back, well here it is.)

 It was just another Wednesday on campus (although it was lightly snowing) when I returned to my office before I was supposed to TA a class for my adviser.  I checked my phone and found that I had a message from my friend Bobby Schneider.  The three words that I read forced me to collapse in my chair.  The words, "Chris Stover died" may not mean much to some people, but to me it meant a giant hole had just been created in my life.  Chris was many things.  He was a teammate, a friend, a mentor, but most of all, over the years, he became a brother.  Running does that to you.  You run enough miles with a guy and you know more about him then you know about your own family sometimes.  A run is a sacred place for people, it is where they can say things they normally can't.  I shared a lot of memories with my friend over the years, and now those memories felt like they were gone.

Even though I believed Bobby (the guy has been my most loyal friend for as long as I have known him), I still had to see for myself.  Sure enough, I logged on to the computer and there it was, links to the newspaper  article confirming that he was gone.  For the next hour I couldn't stop crying.  Time seemed to stand still when all I wanted to do was have it speed up.  I was shattered.  My friend Alicia saw my post and immediately came to my office to check on me (Alicia if you read this, you are the best).  I walked downstairs to the room that I was supposed to help TA and informed my adviser that I would be leaving.  I couldn't be there on this day.  Luckily, I did not have class that evening and after sending the team out for their run I went home.  I sat in my room and reflected all night.  It was difficult.  There were a lot of texts and calls that night from back home.  All who knew Chris were communicating with each other.  Some of us had barely talked since high school, but the loss of our friend brought us back together.  It was a struggle, we were all hurting, but at least we had each other.  The rest of the quarter would be a roller coaster of emotions and most of it was low points, the complete opposite of fall quarter.

I think this is where I will leave off for the evening.  In the next day or two I will finish the rest of this story.  Hopefully, my lack of sleep the past week did not turn me into a complete fool in the writing of this.