Part two: Where I am today

"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"-Green Day

So here we are, again.  Yesterday I told you about my first quarter of grad school and how everything seemed to be great, until my friend passed away.  Today I will start off with that and lead into where I am at this current time in my life. (Note: Like yesterday this song will play a role later).

So there I was, a month after losing one of my best friends.  It was a tough time.  Winter always is when you hardly have any sunny days and you are always stuck indoors.  I had pretty much been a zombie since I found out that Chris was gone.  I tried hard to put it behind me, but that never works, not when you are that close to someone.  For those who don't know, Chris was a US Air Force Captain.  When the accident happened he was the pilot of a helicopter on a training mission.  Chris served as a pilot on many flights that went in and rescued other soldiers in enemy territories.  If that doesn't tell you the kind of person Chris was, then you really will never understand.  He was selfless, he cared more about other people and didn't like the limelight.  I am sure there were times he enjoyed it, but for the most part he wanted no part of it.  I was on the train home to Vancouver for his celebration of life in the middle of a brutal storm.  It was the longest trip I had ever been on, but I knew I wouldn't miss it for anything.

The day before the celebration of life we ran a memorial mile in his honor at our high school track.  It was a crummy day outside and the winds were howling and it was still snowing.  When we got there the gates to our stadium were locked.  Neither of our former coaches Schultz or Delaney had keys to get into the stadium.  We were discussing ways to still make it in so we could run, many of which were ways that Chris and the rest of the team used to sneak in to run workouts while we were in high school.  Oddly enough we all looked at the gate at the same time, and when we did a gust pushed open the gates.  We all looked at each other, then looked up at the sky, we knew Chris was telling us we were going to run this mile.  It was one of those crazy, almost in-explainable moments in life, but it was one none of us will forget.  I knew his parents would be there but I still ran down to their house, one that I came to know really well when Chris and I hung out in high school.  There I saw his dad and told him the story, he agreed, this was Chris' work.  Once we were all back at the track we all shared memories of Chris.  It was a tough time, but it was good to see how many people in such bad weather would come out to share this moment together.  

The next day we would attend Chris' celebration of life.  If the day before seemed emotionally hard, this one rocked me.  It was good to hear different stories of Chris and how he had played such a significant role in so many of our lives.  The thing is, that is just who he was, a great person.  I remember talking to his wife after the ceremony and her telling me how excited Chris was that he got a chance to see me the past July.  That was an incredible moment in my life and I am so thankful I got to see him.  It is always tough to reflect on things like this, but his words to me before he left we stick with me forever.  He told me how proud he was that I was still chasing my running dream, and if I made the Olympic Trials and Games he would be there.  I know now that he won't be there in person, but he will be running stride for stride with me in spirit.  The tough part of it now is that I didn't know it would be the last time I would see my friend.  If I had known it would have been, I would have hugged him a little longer and told him how he was a hero.  I would have let him know that I could have gone down a different path in life, but he always encouraged me to be better.  For that I am forever grateful.  Thank you Chris for everything you did in life. May you rest in peace my friend.

I returned to school, I was a little better knowing my friends had my back and supported me, but I still struggled.  School just seemed difficult to grasp and when I needed running the most to let off my stress I pinched a nerve in my left hip.  This kept me from running for nearly a month.  I was trying my best in school and giving everything I had, unfortunately according to my adviser it just wasn't good enough.

When I needed someone in a role like that to help me out, he turned his back on me.  With about two weeks left in the quarter we were discussing the project I was working on for him when he asked if I even wanted to be in school.  This shocked me seeing as how nothing about this was said before.  I told him that now more than ever I wanted to get my degree and push on.  This settled until a week later.  It is always nice when you head into finals stressed, it is even better when people add stress on to you leading up to finals.  That is just what happened.  He called me into his office and told me that I had been screwing up big time in school.  He told me that the English department on campus (who we were working with on a project) thought I was a screw up and had a bad attitude and that I was putting them in a hard position.  He was also nice enough to tell me that he though my performance was shit and that everyone in our department thought the same thing and wouldn't mind if I just dropped out of school.  This was the ultimate slap in the face for two reasons.  Reason one: I looked up to this guy, and I was really excited to be working with him on this project.  Reason two:  If I had been doing so poorly all along, why wait until the end of the quarter.  At this point I was given a choice, I could quit graduate school, I could completely change my behavior and attitude and come back to his project, or I could quit the project and find a new adviser.  After talking to a few people in our department and the English department I was relieved to hear that the picture that had been painted of me by my adviser was untrue.  When I confronted him about this, he told me the other people were lying just to make me feel better, yes, the school wide conspiracy to make me feel good about myself, it was genius.  That being said we had another meeting.  He probably expected me to beg for mercy and come back to his project, or even better yet quit school.  If you haven't figured it out already I choose to stay in school and pick a different adviser.  I think this disappointed him a fair amount.  It was a brilliant way to end a awful quarter.

My general theory on the situation was that I tended to be a little out of it during winter quarter with everything that had gone on.  Even though I was doing everything he asked of me, it wasn't enough.  I also feel that my dedication to coaching was putting a strain on things because he expected 100% of my life to be dedicated to his work.  Oh well, life goes on.  Besides, our women's team had a record breaking indoor season without one of our top girls running.  I think I was doing ok on that front.

I needed spring break and finally it came.  I headed down to see my best friend Bobby and had the best week of my life.  Even after not being able to see each other that much over the past nine years we fell into our same old routines.  We had a lot of fun and I finally got to meet his bride to be and realized he was the luckiest guy on earth.  Katie is wonderful, and where most people would think they might lose touch with their friend when they get married, I know that I am just getting a new best friend in Katie.  The wedding will be a blast and I will update people with all the fun when I return from it.

I went into spring quarter relaxed and with a head full of steam.  It was proving time, time to put together another solid quarter.  It would be busy, but it would be worthwhile.  I was enjoying this quarter sans one class that just seemed to be a review and was 3 hours every time.  That was miserable, but other than that I enjoyed my classes.  I was also enjoying that the women's distance runners at Eastern were tearing apart the school record books.  Each weekend a new top ten time would be added to the list.  It was really fun to see how far we had come in just two years.  We were dominant and building something special. 

 At the conference meet our women scored 43 points.  More than we ever had before, in fact it might have beaten our past 5 years points combined.  We had four girls make the all-conference team and scored in every event that we were entered in at the meet.  After conference came regionals, which is where this story starts building to today.  We had all three of our steeplechase girls make the regional meet which was awesome.  I went down to Arkansas expecting to cheer on our athletes and hopefully have a few make it to the National Championships (which 3 did), which is what happened, but something else happened as well.  On our first full day there Coach Zeller approached me and asked what my interest was in going to Hawaii.  I was confused at first until he explained that they had a job opening for a distance coach, and he had told the coach about me.  I hesitated on the subject at first, but eventually I talked to their coach to see her interest level.  Around that same time my friend Nigel, who is a grad assistant at Southern Utah University, approached me and asked about my interest level in coach at SUU.  After barely being able to make this trip, I now had two opportunities set before me.

I returned to school and thought about both jobs.  At first I was hesitant.  I had a good thing going at Eastern with school, coaching and friends, as well as having a new girlfriend.  I was going to have to leave that behind to go coach.  It took me a while to come to my senses, but after talking to quite a few people I opened up to the idea.  Now I just had to wait and hear back from either coach.

I went to Bobby's bachelor party in Las Vegas.  It was my first time there and for the most part I had a great time (Vegas is too expensive for a graduate student).  I was lucky because my cousin Xavier was participating in a hockey scouting camp down there, so I got to see some family from Ohio that I do not normally see.  This was an added bonus on what turned out to be a solid weekend.  Monday came and it was time to return to Spokane and everyday life.  The famous philosopher Ferris Bueller once said, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."  Sure enough just as I was getting on the plane Nigel sent me a message letting me know that the coach would be calling me that afternoon with the job offer.  I let Nigel know that I would be in the air, but I would talk to Coach Houle as soon as I got off the plane.  Upon landing in Spokane I received a voicemail from coach asking me to call him back.  I called him and he let me know that he wanted me at Southern Utah and was offering me the job.  I accepted.  The decision that was so tough to make, seemed so right and too difficult to pass up.  It is a great opportunity for me to be an assistant coach at the Division 1 level of the NCAA.  A week after talking to coach, I moved down to Cedar City, Utah to begin my new career.

That's where I am today, sitting at the house that I am staying at in Cedar City.  It has been a little over a week since I moved down here, but I am really enjoying this area.  (Note: this is where you cue the Green Day song).  "It's something unpredictable," this situation was not predicted at all, I thought right now I would be working at Runners Soul and training for a fall marathon and preparing for school.  "But in the end it's right,"  after being down here I have realized I made the right decision, I am going to love this opportunity and make everything of it.  "I hope you had the time of your life,"  yes, there have been hiccups over the past nine years, if there wasn't it wouldn't be fun or enjoyable.  I wouldn't have learned anything if things didn't happen or change once in a while, but I can truly say I had the time of my life at Eastern.

  It has been tough to reflect back on nine years of my life.  I enjoyed everything about Eastern and made a lot of incredible friends while I was there.  Sometimes though, you need to move on and see the world.  It was a rough last week in Spokane, saying goodbye never is easy.  I want to thank everyone who was involved in my time at Eastern, from my professors, to my teammates and the athletes I worked with and especially the coaching staff.  Stan, Marcia, Erik, Eric and Chris all gave me an opportunity of a lifetime to compete for them as an undergrad and blessed me even more by allowing me to come back and coach with them.  That opportunity led to this one and that they were so supportive of this move meant everything to me.

Warning: This is part one.

"Wish You Were Here" -Pink Floyd

After a long hiatus, I have decided to write again.  I am not sure how this post will work out.  I have a lot to say, and I might get bored and quit midway, so don't burn yourselves out if this becomes the next Lord of the Rings trilogy.  The song above will have some meaning (besides it being one of the best songs ever), but I will eventually get to that point.

My how time flies.  I have been think about this the past couple of weeks.  It seems like yesterday I was graduating high school, now I am one summer away from my 10 year reunion.  I guess that is where I want to begin with this.  Nine years ago, I sat down at a table and listened while my high school athletic director and coach both spoke to my accomplishments as a high school runner.  A few minutes later I signed a document that would change my life.  That document was my letter of intent to run for the Eastern Washington University.  I remember that day vividly.  Little did I know at the time, what direction Eastern would take me.  It helped mold me into the person I am today.  I have always believed in loyalty.  I think my family taught me that at a young age.  So even through some tough times in my life (schoolwork, girlfriends, teammates, friends contributed to these moments) I stayed loyal to Eastern and always gave it everything I had.  When I left Eastern in the fall of 2011 to move to Minnesota I figured I would be back at some point, but not for the reason that I ended up coming back for.  

Around this time in the summer of 2012, my friend (and former coach) Chris Zeller called me up and asked me if I wanted to come back and help him coach.  It took me a whopping 35 seconds to realize that yes that was what I wanted to do.  By August of that year I was back in Cheney and starting a journey that has put me in the position I am today.  My first year went pretty typical of any person trying to start a career as a coach (even though I was a volunteer).  During the course of that first year I applied for graduate school at Eastern and was accepted into the Master's of Science in Sport and Recreation Administration.  This is where my real story begins here.  Sorry for the slight bit of fluff it took to get to this point.

My first quarter of grad school was a mixed bag of emotions.  Coming off of what is (to this point) the greatest race of my life at the USA Half Marathon Championships, I began to gear up for the Twin Cities Marathon (which happened to be the USA Marathon Championships).  I was in the best shape of my life, ready to crack the Olympic Trials standard and achieve a life goal of mine.  Instead what cracked were a couple of bones in my body.  Specifically bones that are known as my hip.  It all happened so fast, well it seemed like it did.  I was out on a 15 mile run in the middle of what was supposed to be a 135 mile week of running.  Midway through my run (which was out and back) my hip began to lock up on me.  It had happened before so I brushed it off and figured it would loosen up.  Sure enough, it didn't, it got worse.  I was to the point that I was hobbling on my left leg and dragging my right leg behind me.  It wasn't pretty and it hurt, BAD.  For the next week I tried to walk on it, when that became too much I began using crutches and a week later I found out that I had two stress fractures in my right hip.  Just like that my dream marathon was behind me.  My thought at that point was that I would be able to focus on school.  The first quarter went by so fast.  It culminated in my highest GPA ever, a 3.85.  I was extremely excited and ready to tackle the next quarter.  I was in such a good mood at the end of the quarter that I asked Coach Zeller if he would allow me to write and supervise our long distance runners on the track.  Sure enough, he said that it would be good for me and allowed me to do so.  The high of the first quarter of grad school seemed like it would never end.

After a great winter break with my family I returned to school for winter quarter, refreshed and ready to go.  I had been running consistently and feeling like I was back on the upswing.  Everything was going my way.  Unfortunately, reality, or maybe it was life, decided I needed a reminder that some things just happen. (Note: Remember how I said the Pink Floyd song would come back, well here it is.)

 It was just another Wednesday on campus (although it was lightly snowing) when I returned to my office before I was supposed to TA a class for my adviser.  I checked my phone and found that I had a message from my friend Bobby Schneider.  The three words that I read forced me to collapse in my chair.  The words, "Chris Stover died" may not mean much to some people, but to me it meant a giant hole had just been created in my life.  Chris was many things.  He was a teammate, a friend, a mentor, but most of all, over the years, he became a brother.  Running does that to you.  You run enough miles with a guy and you know more about him then you know about your own family sometimes.  A run is a sacred place for people, it is where they can say things they normally can't.  I shared a lot of memories with my friend over the years, and now those memories felt like they were gone.

Even though I believed Bobby (the guy has been my most loyal friend for as long as I have known him), I still had to see for myself.  Sure enough, I logged on to the computer and there it was, links to the newspaper  article confirming that he was gone.  For the next hour I couldn't stop crying.  Time seemed to stand still when all I wanted to do was have it speed up.  I was shattered.  My friend Alicia saw my post and immediately came to my office to check on me (Alicia if you read this, you are the best).  I walked downstairs to the room that I was supposed to help TA and informed my adviser that I would be leaving.  I couldn't be there on this day.  Luckily, I did not have class that evening and after sending the team out for their run I went home.  I sat in my room and reflected all night.  It was difficult.  There were a lot of texts and calls that night from back home.  All who knew Chris were communicating with each other.  Some of us had barely talked since high school, but the loss of our friend brought us back together.  It was a struggle, we were all hurting, but at least we had each other.  The rest of the quarter would be a roller coaster of emotions and most of it was low points, the complete opposite of fall quarter.

I think this is where I will leave off for the evening.  In the next day or two I will finish the rest of this story.  Hopefully, my lack of sleep the past week did not turn me into a complete fool in the writing of this.

USA Half Marathon Championships

Macklemore- Make the Money

At this point, you may have seen the results.  After three years I finally got the Half Marathon PR I had been looking for.  Sometimes it doesn't quite hit you. I still am not sure it has.  About a month ago I had a serious sit down with myself about my running.  Was it time to let the dream go?  Or would I give myself a couple of years to possibly see my dreams come true?  I came to the tough decision that if I didn't start looking like a potential Olympic Trials qualifier for 2016, then it was time to hang up the racing flats and begin the grown up life style.  And then Bloomsday happened. The race itself was a little surreal.  I wanted to run well compared to the last two years, but then again, anything would be better than the last two.  I went to the starting line just wanting to have fun on the day.  By mile 2, I was racing, but it was different. Something I hadn't felt in all honesty since college, it was relaxed, it was easy, and wait for it, it was FUN!  My mentality that had been my Achilles heel, was slipping away and I was going back to my roots.  The happy go lucky racer of my "youth."  As the miles went by I started moving by people.  And lots of good runners.  Totally opposite of my previous Bloomsdays where I was going backwards, not forwards.  I was getting into the race and totally enjoying myself.  When I would pass people that knew me and were cheering for me, I would wave or give a fist pump. Just being relaxed made it that much better.  As I turned the final corner onto the famed finish on the Monroe Street Bridge and the cheers got louder, a wave of emotions hit.  I felt I had begun to turn a corner.  I know I have said this before, only to be disappointed later, but this was different.  This was an effortless moment.  Ok, yes there was effort involved, but not the entirely spent feeling of previous races.  As I high fived my boss Curt as I passed the finish a huge smile came across my face and a huge weight off my shoulders.  I think it was the biggest smile I have seen Curt have in my time of knowing him as well.  He knows how much I love Bloomsday and Spokane and how badly I want to race well in front of my "hometown crowd."  

This new sense of relaxed effort had me feeling good leading into the Half Marathon Championships.  But at the same time, the nerves were still there.  Remember, I had great races only to follow up with poor ones.  But at the same time I have been working with Eastern Washington's Sport Psychologist Jon Hammermeister and getting some tips on how to relax.  That being said, I was getting excited by not overly excited for the race.  Keep calm and relaxed I told myself repeatedly during my runs and workouts.  As the days neared I tried to keep my emotions in check, but its hard when faulty racing had been a frequent over the past couple of years.  My last two workouts leading into Duluth were not impressive.  In fact, they were down right miserable. I had to cut short one workout and the next was just a pure struggle.  When I got on the plane to Minnesota, I told myself to leave these workouts behind in Spokane.  They were not going to travel with me.  

I got to Minnesota and my buddy Nick Ross and I drove up together from Minneapolis.  The nice thing about having Nick around is that he is easy going and always has a good joke.  He kept me from over thinking my race, even though he was racing himself.  When we got to Duluth, time seemed to stand still in the anticipation of the race.  I kept trying to not run the race repeatedly in my head before it happened, but nerves are nerves and sometimes you just have to let them go.  Finally race day came.  A beautiful wake up call at 3am Central time was not preferred, but it is what needed to happen with the early start of the race.  On the Elite bus to the starting line, I was trying to keep calm and relaxed, but it still was tough.  13.1 miles is a daunting task no matter who you are and especially with the great field that was assembled for this race.  During the warm up I was just shaking my nerves out.  I needed to if I was going to survive the race.  I warmed up with my friend Drew Polley and his teammates at the Brooks-Hansons ODP. We all tried to crack some jokes and keep our minds off the task at hand.  It really did help having them around as I knew most of them and what they were trying to run as well.

Finally race time was here.  The starting horn went off and over 100 of the countries top half marathoners were on their way along the beautiful shoreline of Lake Superior.  It was a chilly and misty day, which is my type of race weather.  I used a similar strategy to Bloomsday, go out calm and relaxed and pick people off as the race unfolded.  The first 5k was right on pace, 15:20.  I was in the perfect pack with the Hansons guys and we were taking turns leading and keeping the pace on track.  However, miles 4 and 5 felt slow and knowing my finish is not always the best I decided to pick it up.  Nobody really went with me and soon I had a little lead over my former group.  I got everything back on track and through 10k was at 30:50, perfect.  I was feeling good. I was feeling relaxed. I was feeling like I was going to PR.  My legs started feeling the so-called gorilla on the back at mile 8, but I kept telling myself to keep strong.  Just prior to mile 9 at what is known as Lemon Drop hill, the Hansons guys came back and passed me.  This was time to make the decision that could make or break my race.  If I let them go, then I potentially let go of the sub 65 minute Half Marathon I set out for and potentially missing my PR.  If I went with the guys then I knew I could hold myself together.  For a few short steps I fell off.  I was screaming at myself, I had to go with them.  I told myself to do it one mile at a time.  That would make it easier on the mind.  Quickly, I was back with the group and back on pace.  At 10 miles I set a new PR of 49:33, or 72 seconds faster than my previous 10 mile PR, and that race was only 10 miles!

At this point I was ecstatic.  I knew that I really had an opportunity to break 65 and wash away all the doubts I had about my running.  I kept pushing with the guys down the streets of Duluth.  We kept taking turns leading, at this point we were helping each other, but at the same time it was every man for himself.  We got to the 12 mile mark and I took off with everything I had.  1.1 miles of pain for what would be a huge PR and a huge relief.  The winding last mile is tough on the mind as you constantly are looking at the finish, even though you are still a bit away from it.  I kept pushing and telling myself I was almost there.  The simple mind games you can play to keep yourself from breaking.  As I came off the last corner and saw the finish line I gave everything I had left.  As I closed on the finish, the joy and relief had to show.  I looked up and there it was 64:45. A new PR.  It is unfortunate that the window for trying to qualify for the Olympic Trials is not yet open, as that would be the "B" standard to qualify.  However, now that I have done it, I know I can do it again.  

I am so thankful for the opportunity that I was given this weekend. I was glad to see great friends and to see so many of them run great races was just the icing on the cake.  I hope to keep this momentum riding into my future races and keep on living the dream.  As far as my potential "retirement," that is over.  2016 will not be the end.  I was fortunate enough to talk to 2x Olympian Meb Keflezighi after my race.  For those wondering, he is the nicest guy on earth.  Anyways, he told me to keep living my dream out.  He had faced many injuries and battles in his life, but his perseverance allowed him to make the 2012 Olympic team and finish 4th.  That inspiration has helped me realize that good days will come if you stick it out.  That being said, I have just a couple more hours here in Minnesota and I going to go enjoy it.  Until next time, just keep on running happy!

2012 My Year in Review and a look ahead to 2013

My Adidas- Run DMC

2012 started off right. I had just earned a contract with the Brooks ID program. I was ecstatic as Brooks has always been a brand I supported and wore pretty faithfully. I was excited for the year after a pretty dismal 2011 of racing.  Plus, I was in a new environment which I felt was perfect to get me back on the right track (yea, no pun intended).  Although that was a positive, 2012 would be a roller coaster ride of a year and the song above should give you a hint as to what is coming later in this story.

My first race of 2012 would be an indoor mile at the University of Minnesota.  For those of you who didn't pay any attention (which, in all honesty I don't blame you) was where I was living at the time.  It was the Jack Johnson classic and since I hadn't raced in forever on the track I put myself into the second heat.  It was a tight 200 meter flat track and I found myself getting boxed in, bounced around and cut off what seemed like the whole race.  I finished and was more pissed about the numerous times being cut off than anything.  I was already gearing up for the next race.  I would again race an indoor mile a couple of weeks later, again at the University of Minnesota.  This time things went terribly and at 800 meters I found myself running in quicksand, my body falling apart and finishing worse than I had a couple of weeks before.  I have no idea quite what went wrong, but I know that it could have been something I ate, mostly due to the fact that a frat house just outside the indoor facility found me barfing up lunch on its yard.  My buddy Mike Reneau sat there, laughing in disgust as it was a Saturday night and most people driving by probably thought I was already hitting up the bars.

With the indoor season out of the way I shifted my focus to the outdoor season where my goal was to race at the Mt. SAC Relays 10k with the goal of getting the Olympic Trials qualifying time.  I was going to run a few road races just to keep mentally sharp along the way, but the 10k was the most important thing on my mind.  My big breakout came at the Shamrock Shuffle in Chicago.  It was an 8k road race that attracted many of the Midwest's top club teams and individuals.  I would take 25th overall in a time of 24:23, my best performance in a long time.  I left that day feeling like I going in the right direction for that 10k.  However, just two weeks later, my nightmare running would come back.  I was running a tune up 5k at Hamline University in St. Paul when just past two miles my knee locked up.  It was the same sensation I had a couple of years before when I found out I had a bone bruise during my 5th year of college.  I pulled out of the race before I did any further damage.  The next couple of days saw me run very little to no miles.  This with a big race looming.  I talked to Mike and we decided to cut the track season.  I could still run some races, but at this point it would be difficult for me to get any quality track in before the Trials.  

Tail between the legs I set my sights on trying to run well at the place I hold dear to my heart, Spokane.  My goal was to now redeem myself at the Bloomsday race in early May.  I have loved Bloomsday since I started helping out at it during college.  I was also excited to take a mini vacation and see all of my friends back in Spokane.  In tuning up I paced local college kids in the Twin Cities area to a 10k (I only went 6k).  The pacing was perfect for what I wanted to achieve at Bloomsday.  However, I also found myself sluggish on many runs. Looking back at my training logs I would have 1 good day for every two to three bad days. Not a good ratio in my opinion.

I went to Bloomsday with a false bravado. A fake confidence. A general case of puss-itis. I talked as if I was ready, but on the inside I was feeling like my running career (if you could call it that) was about to end.  I really was struggling to find anything positive anymore and after the race, it was nil.  Bloomsday morning came.  I went to the starting line with friends Josh Moen and Mike Reneau.  We warmed up and I felt pretty solid to be honest.  The problem was, as soon as I saw everyone at the starting line I swallowed a big gulp of fear and my race plans went to hell in a hand basket.  I started out with the leaders and quickly felt flimsy and flat. My fears had gotten to me, the false bravado was repeatedly kicking me in the junk and I was going out the back door quickly.  Every runners nightmare is to see everyone in the world passing them including their grandmother who uses a walker.  I was beginning to live this nightmare.  At mile 3 my body shut down.  I don't know how to explain what happened as I have tried to block that memory out of my system, but my body just stopped. I pulled to the side of the road thinking I was going to throw up, but instead just stood there. No explanations.  I finally found the courage to run again, but it was quite slow.  I ended up running with a future athlete of mine Chris Schroll (I will get to this in a bit). We both traded shitty spurts of greatness and in the end we were next to each other at the finish line.  I sat stunned in disbelief for a good 10-15 minutes although it felt like an eternity after the race.  How could things have gone so poorly? Why did that just happen to me?  I finally went and cooled down with my tail firmly tucked between my legs.

The next race on the schedule was to be the USA Half Marathon Championships held in conjunction with the Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN.  This would be the end of my "season" and at least my parents would be there to race the Grandma's Marathon.  After this race I would reflect and see where I was emotionally and physically with running.  A few days before the race I got a phone call. This wasn't any phone call, it may be one of the most important phone calls of my life.  My former coach Chris Zeller called me.  He had sent me a text the night before asking my work schedule so he could call me the next day. I figured he would just want to catch up or let me know how his child was on the way or something of the sort.  It was nothing of the sort.  He started off by checking in and seeing how I was doing, but then he asked if I would come back and be an Assistant Coach.  The first year would be volunteer, but after that I could take graduate work and then hopefully earn my own coaching job.  I told him I would have to think about it for a bit and talk to my family and he was cool with that.  When my parents got in to Minnesota it was much of what we talked about. By the end of the weekend I knew exactly what I was doing, and that was returning to Eastern Washington University to be a coach.

I ran the Half Marathon Championships knowing I was returning to Cheney.  I was excited, but that couldn't change that my body was not ready for what I wanted to do in the Half.  I was not frustrated as I knew I was going to be reunited with a coach who had done so much for my running.  Once I started back up in the running game I noticed a rejuvenated me.  I was feeling good on more and more of my runs. I was gaining confidence.  The only lingering fear was that I had only had about one race that was good in the last 18 months and maybe two races in two years.  I needed to get out there and shake the rust.

Remember how I talked about Chris Schroll? Well he is on the EWU team.  During team camp he pretty much called me out on my "behavior" or false bravado at Bloomsday.  He asked, "Are we going to see the "stoic" Paul of Bloomsday? Or are we going to see your old cocky, happy-go-lucky self?"  This was a bit of an eye opener for me leading up to my first race and I knew that I had to just be myself once again while racing. No fear, just enjoying the moment.  I couldn't act like it was a job anymore, I had to act like it was a passion.  This passion would return by racing with energy, fun and passion again.

I returned to racing by joining Club Northwest members at the Lake Padden Invite in Bellingham, WA.  The race went out slower than expected for me and by the two mile mark I found myself taking control of the race.  Hold on a second. Me? Taking over the lead? The answer was yes.  I was confident. I could run with anyone, I could beat anyone.  At around 4.5 miles of this 10k, a runner from Alaska Anchorage took over the lead. His name was Micah Chelimo. I sat on his shoulder at this point hoping to use a kick at the end of the race.  He was able to pull away from me and in the end I took second.  This was a giant step forward. I hadn't had the confidence to hold a lead in a long time. I went through 5k just a hair slower than I had for a FLAT road 5k in Minneapolis in May.  To add on that, Chelimo would go on to win the Division II National Championship.  My next race would  be the next weekend with the EWU team in Lewiston, ID.  There would be plenty of good runners and another good challenge.  Teams from WSU, Idaho, Gonzaga, U of Calgary and LC State would be there to give me this challenge. At the gun, nobody seemed to want the lead, so again for the second time in two races, I found myself leading the race.  I went through the first mile in the lead before a few runners from WSU came up and started trading the lead with me. We bounced back and forth on this loop course with each side taking short leads over the other.  With 1k to go I knew I had to go.  Both of these runners had great track credentials and I hadn't done squat.  I took off and in that last kilometer I put a seven second gap over the second place runner.  I was stoked. It was my first win in a long time and I put down a hell of an effort to win it.  I was back, and I knew it.

A couple of weeks later I would continue my season at the PNTF XC championships in Seattle at Lower Woodland park. For those of you who don't know the course, try thinking of the most dizzying roller coaster you have ever been on and multiply that by about 100 and you have the Lower Woodland course.  It is a brutally hilly course with lots of tight turns and mud on those tight turns.  To add to the misery there is enough pavement to scare you out of wearing spikes.  I would take a share of the lead with a few Club Northwest teammates before succumbing to the greatness of Joe Gray.  I ended up second, but it gave me a fair pay day and another finish behind a great runner.

Two weeks later I returned to action at the USATF Regional Championships. This race usually only attracts locals and so I figured it was mine to lose.  Just as I was warming up I noticed a guy that I was asked to train with from Kenya.  He was supposedly a 13:40 5k runner and a 28:30 10k runner.  I was getting nervous before I told myself to shut up and race.  At the gun, I again took the lead and after 30 meters I never saw anyone in front of me again for the rest of the 8k race.  After 1.5 miles I was far enough ahead to joke with co workers who were at the race and high five the kids who just ran the Junior Olympic race.  I won handily by nearly two minutes and was quite satisfied. I was ready for Nationals.

Club Nationals had not been good to me the previous two years. I ran like crap at both.  But this time I had to be a leader and I had to show I could hold on with some big boys.  The course was muddy and perfect for Cross Country. I got out solidly before settling into my pace.  The problem came around two mile when the pace of the front group picked up a bit and I was boxed along the fence line.  I dropped back quite a few spots at this point and found myself losing my contact.  I was beginning to get some of the old vibes of fear and false bravado before I told myself that I had to race and that I had put in the work to run great here.  I came back strong and was picking off people left and right. It helped that my Club Northwest teammates were loud and giving me extra motivation.  I kicked down a few guys in the last 600 and ended up in 20th overall. Not bad considering the guys around me were all Olympic Trials qualifiers and All-Americans in college. I didn't carry either of those credentials.  I was ecstatic and for the first time in three years I had a season to be proud of.

Bad news would come a week later when I found out that my contract with the Brooks ID program would not be renewed. I felt gutted about the situation and in all honesty a bit pissed off.  How could I not be renewed after the season I just had? But finally I realized its a business and not everything is going to bounce your way.  I will use it as positive for motivation in this upcoming year. This leads me to my song at the top, which I know was about two hours of reading ago.  I have not signed a contract, but will receiving help from Adidas as a sort of "brand ambassador" this year.  I look forward to it as I feel it is a company that is doing some real positives in the sport. I hope to help them find what may be their "flaws" and help them achieve what they want in the running industry.

As far as 2013 goes I think this will be a special year.  I have set my goals high and I plan on doing the right things to achieve them.  With Chris Zeller as my coach I have my confidence back and with the solid team we are building at Eastern I am getting great running partners out of the deal.  The goal will once again be the 10k, but maybe expect to see me in the Half Marathon at the end of the year. Only time will tell. Here is to a great 2013 for all!

Last Day in the Cities, on to Build an Empire

Building Steam With A Grain of Salt- DJ Shadow

Today marks my last day in the Twin Cities.  Bright and early tomorrow I will board a nice jet plane back to Portland for roughly a week and a half to spend some time with my family.  I will then begin my journey as an assistant coach at Eastern Washington University.

The last ten months have been a whirlwind.  At this time last year I was thinking about moving to the Twin Cities to branch out and try something new with my life.  It has been a great ten months in which I have learned a lot about myself and made many new friends.  I always joked that the "real world" wasn't as big and bad as everyone made it sound, but you learn things once you are on your own.  The friends you have always had were there because you surrounded yourself by people like you.  When I moved here, I came with one or two friends in town.  After that it was up to me to meet people through running and work.  Finding friends in running was easy.  The big reason is that everyone is just as "odd" as you are, and there is a lot to learn about someone over the course of a 10+ mile run.  To have met the guys here that I did running was a real blessing.  The are all classy and fun guys and I am glad I got the chance to meet them all.  

Finding friends at work however, was a different task.  The first job I had was filled with a lot of people who were twice my age.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with them being that age, but the problem was they tried to treat me as though I was just a kid.  Yes, I am only 25 and am younger than the people I worked with, but to treat me as though I know nothing is the problem.  I will leave the stores name out of it out of respect, but I will say that I won't recommend it to people if they ask specifically.  In May, just before leaving for Bloomsday, I was let go from the store.  This turned out to be another blessing.  Although it took me nearly a month to get a new job, I was able to be hired on at Marathon Sports.  This was a complete 180 of a store from the previous job.  At Marathon Sports, we had a range of age and abilities.  There were also guys that I could run with during the week either before or after the job, which is always a plus.  The general mood of the store was awesome.  I won't forget the people here even though it was only for two short months.  

Now for the sad part. As I write this I am only about 17 hours away from catching a flight back home.  Tomorrow at this time I will probably be at my parents house hanging out with my family for the next week and a half.  This will be much needed.  As much as this journey was something I have enjoyed, I have not enjoyed not being able to see my family as much as I would like to.  My family is everything and always will be.  After that I will move back to Spokane to begin getting ready for the upcoming cross country season.  Although we will have a young team this year, I expect big things.  My goal is to help take the team to top 10 finishes in the West Region in the up coming years.  

As for this journey, it is not over. Some could say it was a detour or a speed bump in my life, but I would prefer to say that I took the scenic route to find something else.  Minnesota has been a wonderful experience and I won't be able to stay away.  Odds are I will come out for any of the races I can and visit all the great friends I have made here.  To all of you who have made it that incredible journey, I thank you.  And to my Pacific Northwest friends, I will see you soon.

Go EAGS!

And back to the Great Northwest...

Comeback Kid- Silversun Pickups

Well, I said I was going to keep people updated, but I can't even keep myself updated on everything going on.  Since I last wrote a blog in January (yep, its now July) a lot has gone on.  At that time I was going to have a track season and try to make the Olympic Trials in the 5k or 10k. A few things happened that caused me to miss the mark on this one.  First off, I did a lot of training on my own.  I know, if you want to be good you have to be able to handle training on your own.  The problem is, I was working with a headcase (myself).  I really haven't felt amazing for the last two years.  In fact, there have been minimal signs of brilliance that I was able to show in college.  So in that sense, having someone to help out with workouts would have been nice.  I also banged my knee up mid-winter which took me out for a couple of days.  It really worried me since the symptoms originally started out about the same as when I injured my knee at Eastern.  These two things made for a rough go of a track season although I was showing a little bit of speed that I know I still have.  After the knee injury I decided to focus back on the roads and go to Bloomsday and the US Half Marathon Championships in Duluth.

Here is where things get a bit tricky.  Before moving here I had a friend contact some of the local running stores who might be able to give me a job.  My friend did not know all the stores and couldn't tell me which would be best to try and get a job at.  Instead, I went with what I was offered.  This is how I ended up at a job that quite possibly was one of the worst experiences of my life.  Right from day one, things were not exactly as I hoped they would be.  I was the youngest employee who worked more than one day a week.  The rest of the employees were in their 40's or even older.  This age gap created a bit of a rift.  I am not a perfect person by any means.  I often let my emotions get the best of me and I say things that I probably shouldn't say, even if they are honest and true.  Well, right before Bloomsday these came up to get me in trouble and I was "let go" from the store.  In retrospect, I wished it had happened earlier because I ended up at a great job with a great staff at Marathon Sports.  Oh well, you live and you learn.

Back to racing.  I went to Bloomsday with high expectations.  I was running workouts as well as I had in the past two years.  I felt fresh, and strong.  Plus, I was going back to a place I called home for 6 years.  Upon arrival, Spokane did not disappoint.  I felt like a rock star returning home.  I was happy to see all of my friends and they were happy to see me.  Because I was so happy to see everyone, and because I was returning home, I felt the need to run a stellar race.  I went out way above my head and at mile 2.5 my body nearly shut down on me.  My expectations and my mental state (remember I had just lost my job) got the best of me.  I ended up feeling like I was shuffling at the end of the race.  I ended up running slower than the year before, which was a major disappointment.  I vowed to go to the half marathon and run a much smarter race.

Fast forward a couple of weeks to the US Half Championships.  I had no real expectations and was hoping just to have a solid race.  Training was a little dismal after Bloomsday, mainly in my disappointment with myself.  The one bright spot was that I would get to see my parents, my grandpa Limpf and one of my cousins.  The race itself started out fine, but my body, in a general state of fatigue and stress, again decided to shut down.  Not quite as bad as it did at Bloomsday, but still left me finishing worse than I would like to have.  I still had a great time with my family.  The truth is, no matter how I run a race, my family is always the most important thing to me and I always have a great time with them.

Now for the major change.  Three days prior to leaving for the race I received a phone call from my former coach at Eastern, Chris Zeller.  At first he was just checking to see how I was doing and we were catching up.  Then he dropped a question that not only surprised me, but I feel will change my life.  He offered me the opportunity to come back to Eastern and be his assistant coach.  I have always had respect for Zeller.  I had my best years of running with him and we have a strong friendship.  I told him I would have to take a few days to think about it, but in my head I already knew that my answer would be yes.  To be given a chance to go back to an University that offered me opportunities that I could never dream of and to coach alongside a man that I see as not only a coach, but a mentor and a friend, was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up.  

That being said, I have accepted this opportunity and I look forward to returning back to Eastern Washington University as an assistant coach this fall.  I will also be returning to the best running store in America (maybe I am biased) Runners Soul.  I can't wait to be back in Spokane and with all the wonderful people there.  Minnesota has been a great chapter in my life and I am truly going to miss hanging out with my friends here, but this is something special.  The official move date is July 25th, so if you don't mind, I gotta get packing!

Welcome Back Track!

Middle Distance Runner- Sea Wolf

No, I have not decided to be a middle distance runner. However, the song is catchy and I did run a middle distance length race for my first race on the track since I graduated from Eastern.  For those keeping score; the last race was the NCAA West Preliminary round at Austin, Texas.  That was May 27, 2010. 604 days passed between the time I ran a struggle-fest in Austin and when I decided to return to the track here at the University of Minnesota.  

Now there is a reason for this gap in time.  My last track season was to say the least a disaster.  I don't put blame on anyone but myself.  (Well, I blame the ice patch that I slipped on that led to me twisting my knee while landing on it that caused a bone bruise, but that is another story.)  It was tough when you know what kind of shape you are in and that you are ready to run great on the track. Instead, you sit out the better part of winter training stuck on an elliptical or bike. (Jordan Curnutt, I love you for staying by my side during those times and being my cross training workout buddy). After this demoralizing season I decided that I wanted to road race. I wanted nothing to do with track. It always seemed to be the figurative death of me. 

For some reason I decided that going straight to the marathon was a genius idea (ok I never said I was the worlds most intelligent person). It turns out, my love for the marathon is quite the same as the track. So what does one do? He goes back to the track.  Which is exactly what I did this past weekend.  A couple of weeks ago I was looking to start my track campaign off with an indoor track meet. I always enjoyed running the mile  during the indoor season so I decided to open with one at UM. When I called the coach I didn't know what shape I was in. It is tough when you have only done three solo workouts.  You don't want to overestimate yourself and then get killed during the race, but at the same time you don't want to be racing against kids who should probably find a different event, something like say bench warming.   Well after talking with the coach we decided to put my seed time down for 4:15 and see where that got me. The next day checking out the heat sheets I found out I was in heat 2.  At first I was annoyed. I knew I was faster. Or did I think I was faster? After talking it over with a good friend of mine I decided to stay in heat 2 as it would be a good rust shaker after so much time off the track.

I felt confident going into the race. Something that has not been a typical feeling prior to races lately.  This was something I was actually excited to do. I decided that I would try and get out mid pack and see how the first lap or two played out.  This plan, like many, did not seem to work.  Right off the gun I was cut off and forced to run off the back of the pack.  I figured this would be fine as long as we went through in a respectable time. We went through the first lap (200 meter track) in :31. This was fine, but this is when things started to become a problem for me.  Guys in front of me couldn't decide if they were running a race or trying to high five each other in excitement.  It felt choppy, stop and go.  I couldn't take it.  I have always preferred a steady pace and not a choppy one.  This was too much.  As we passed through the second lap (400 m) I hit :63.  This was still respectable, but I needed to get out of the mess that was in front of me.  I tried to pass, but got nudged out of the way.  Ok, I thought, I will make another move here in a second.  Well, as I tried again, I got nudged...again.  I was getting irritated at this point. I couldn't find a comfortable pace because guys in front of me kept slowing down, but I couldn't get around because each time I tried I would get either cut off or pushed.  Finally, I reached my boiling point.  I gave the kid who had cut me off three successive times a nice back rub, ok it was a good push, but you get the picture.  As I tried to go around again with roughly 500 meters to go he once again got in my way.  I decided that the friendly thing to do was tell him something along the lines of "struck off" although I used a different word then struck.  It rhymes with it and is four letters. Yes, I said that in the race. After this he seemed to get the drift that I was pissed and I finally got around him. This was a little late in the game though as there was little over 300 meters to go now.  I tried to make a move on the leaders but I was just too far back.  I finished in a time of 4 minutes and 20 seconds.  It was not a time I was exactly excited about, but I had positives from the race. 

I have, as previously stated, only ran three workouts. None were track workouts.  I finished my race put my hands on my knees for about two deep breaths and then walked off the track.  I was not tired, and not quite fatigued.  I knew if I didn't have to spend over half the race waiting for a black hole to devour the kid in front of me, I might have ran stronger.  But, this is racing, and to be honest, I forgot how to race on the track.  It was a learning experience and I am ready for my next race.  The next one will be better.  I will be more aggressive off the start and put my hold on the race.  In roughly 3 weeks time I will take another stab at the mile.  Hopefully I will have a more enjoyable race to tell you about.